Bandits Wanted

Hi Everyone, it's me Annie P. again. I'm needing some help. That danged ole cat is driving me and the other girl insane. 'naldo keeps biting my tail, paws, nose, you name it and we are getting tired of it. I've been thinkin' hard 'bout what to do. After racking the old noodle I remembered something my brother Frankie Beans told me. He was the dawg of the house when I got here from that Wal-Mart place. He was a kind, wise old guy. He tolerated me and showed me some ropes. This is Frankie Beans:
Frankie Beans (Beaner) January 19, 1996 - May 11, 2004

Frank was a good guy, I miss him. Mom says she thinks about ole Beaner everyday. I'd never know that with ole 'naldo in the house now. Let me get back to my story. I remember Frankie Beans telling me about another cat mom had long before Beaner and me came along. This cat's name was Pusser. Pusser was an old cat mom had for quite a few years. I wish I could find a picture to show you. Talk about one hairy cat. Mickey didn't look like that. 'naldo doesn't/can't come close. Pusser had long hair that was almost blue. Frankie says Pusser was a nice guy. Apparently nothing like this milk guzzling, private bathroom owning Tom that has moved in on our territory.

Anyways, Beaner said one day when mom was outside he heard her scream and cry. Dad ran outside to see what the heck was going on. Mom had found old Puss after his ninth life had ended. She was upset. Beans said old Puss was starched in time like he was running from a heart attack or somethin. Since it was later of an evening, dad didn't have time to bury old Pusser and decided to put him in a bag so he could bury him proper the next day.

The next day came and dad asked mom what she did with old Pusser. Mom said, "nothing". Dad said "did you put him in the trash can by mistake?" According to Beans, mom gave dad the look of death. Dad figured the coons came up from the woods and snatched old Puss away. They searched the yard and couldn't find him. Frankie Beans said it must've been the raccoons coming up in the yard. They used to steal Puss' cat food on the front porch and mom would have to shoo them away. Can you believe it? The coons snatched old Pusser.

Well, let me tell you. That story put a big idea in my head. Me and the other girl have been tossing this idea around for the last few days. If I could get away from the family for a few, I'd go over by the woods and see if I could find me a couple coons to do a "job" for me. The other girl already located a bag. I figure we could fit 'naldo in the bag, hang it on the doorknob when mom and dad leave for work on Monday. The coons could come for a visit and no one would be the wiser. My tail would feel better and the other girl wouldn't be so blue. Maybe our family would be back to normal. Mom might be sad for a minute, but she'd forget once she got her wits about her. What ya think?

Boy I dunno. This chicken dog's feathers are startin' to grow again. Maybe I'd better think about this "job". If mom found out I'd be out of the house, no more assignments for me that's for sure. I think I'll just look at my puppy picture with the candy cane sweater (it was my favorite) and see what tomorrow brings. Maybe 'naldo isn't all that bad?