Sunday, July 17, 2011

5 Years Ago Today

Five years ago today I lost my father to suicide. The day was as hot then as it is today. The heat sweltering. It remains in my mind forever. I'll never forget that feeling as long as I live. Keeping in mind what he may be doing at this very moment keeps me going. As I've said before, I don't believe he's looking down keeping an eye on us, because I truly believe he has much better things to do. Picturing him with his best friend or loved ones, having a good laugh or two or some kind of intellectual fiber optic conversation is what I envision.

I was recently offered a promotion at work. I've never been so pleasantly surprised in my life. No kidding...life doesn't have very many good surprises, but this is one that made me think of my dad first. He would have been the only one to truly understand how I felt. And, I believe he would have been proud and would have wanted to help me celebrate. It was almost too ironic that this took place at this time of year. I've thought of him everyday this week. He would love my new title and probably offer some hefty advice.

Missing his laughter and thirst for knowledge has driven me to be a better person this week. I need to let go of what I cannot control and embrace those things that I adore.

Dad I can't wait to see you again. I can't wait to hear that laugh and be challenged to a game of Scrabble. I can't wait to tell you what it was like to attend the 2009 All Star Game. I can't wait to tell you how far technology has come since 2006. I can't wait to tell you about Kenny and Maggie. I can't wait to tell you what the new Camarro looks like and how I'd love to drive one. I can't wait to tell you how right you were about so many things in life. But most of all...I can't wait to tell you how much I love you and how much I've missed you...

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Your dad would be so proud of you. I know I am! I love you more than you know!
Aunt Paula

Justabeachkat said...

Oh, this gave me sweet chills! What a beautifully written tribute to your Dad. I agree with your Aunt Paula...I'm sure he would be so proud of you.

Congrats on your promotion!

Hugs,
Kat

Gayla said...

What a sweet tribute. I am in tears, Of course, your daddy is so proud of you always... and this promotion is something he'd love for you! I know what you mean about the heat. My dad died in August of the next year--- after a sweltering, miserable section of days. I catch myself fretting and feeling inexplicable dread when the heat index is so hot and not predicted to reprieve. I somehow know you are feeling it too.... You and I know that awful news can come in the midst of this heat----- I love you... Blessings to you of good memories and a hope for the future.... cometh down for a visit....

Anonymous said...

Five years seems like such as long time, yet it seems like it was just yesterday. I do believe your dad is present in your life and that he is sharing in your great news. Thank you, again, for writing what is in your heart and being so very honest. I love you and am very proud of your accomplishments. (Aunt) Debbie

Diane said...

i am sorry to hear you lost your dad that way, he would be proud of your new promotion X