Five years ago today I lost my father to suicide. The day was as hot then as it is today. The heat sweltering. It remains in my mind forever. I'll never forget that feeling as long as I live. Keeping in mind what he may be doing at this very moment keeps me going. As I've said before, I don't believe he's looking down keeping an eye on us, because I truly believe he has much better things to do. Picturing him with his best friend or loved ones, having a good laugh or two or some kind of intellectual fiber optic conversation is what I envision.
I was recently offered a promotion at work. I've never been so pleasantly surprised in my life. No kidding...life doesn't have very many good surprises, but this is one that made me think of my dad first. He would have been the only one to truly understand how I felt. And, I believe he would have been proud and would have wanted to help me celebrate. It was almost too ironic that this took place at this time of year. I've thought of him everyday this week. He would love my new title and probably offer some hefty advice.
Missing his laughter and thirst for knowledge has driven me to be a better person this week. I need to let go of what I cannot control and embrace those things that I adore.
Dad I can't wait to see you again. I can't wait to hear that laugh and be challenged to a game of Scrabble. I can't wait to tell you what it was like to attend the 2009 All Star Game. I can't wait to tell you how far technology has come since 2006. I can't wait to tell you about Kenny and Maggie. I can't wait to tell you what the new Camarro looks like and how I'd love to drive one. I can't wait to tell you how right you were about so many things in life. But most of all...I can't wait to tell you how much I love you and how much I've missed you...