Wednesday, September 9, 2009

I Like Country Music (not for the faint hearted)

My hubby announced to me the other day he found a new radio station that plays older country music and he really liked it. Mmmmm, okay, soooo. Well, he REALLY likes it. I have to admit I like older country music myself. On my terms. So now if it's not Cardinal Baseball, a Mizzou game, it's older country music. He created a rule several years ago when we first started dating. That rule is whoever drives gets choice radio. Okay, I could deal with that or so I thought. Not really, I tolerate that, because he ALWAYS drives no matter. Even throws a little hissy if I run to the car to drive. I fold. It's just easier that way and I've conditioned myself to sleep anytime he drives.

So on to my real story. This morning on the way to work, listening to the older country music station, a particular song reminded me of something that happened just a little over 3 years ago. (The following story is not intended to offend anyone. Please stop reading if you feel bleeped words may affect you. I do not want to offend. I do believe I'm not the only one to have an experience like this. Well, sorta.)

This droning song should not play to my ears on my way to work. But it did and probably will again. The song drones on...

As you know my husband suffered a big heart attack just prior to his 45th birthday 3 years ago. Around this same time my grandfather became very sick and was in the hospital. It was right before the 4th of July. If I remember correctly it was approximately 2:15a.m. The phones rang. I knew I'd be hearing a familiar voice on the other end of the phone telling me grandpa had gone on....I just knew.

Well, I don't know everything. Never claimed to really, just pretended. When I picked up that phone with a groggy "hello" a demonic voice on the other end screeched out, "B***, you'd better quit F******g my husband!!" My friends, I cannot make that statement bold enough. This demonic voice jolted me out of my groggy state, with a , "WHAT did you just say?" Demon voice said, "B****, you HEARD ME, YOU'D BETTER QUIT F******* MY HUSBAND!!!!!" I asked who she was, she replied I already knew that answer. Really? Then she demanded to know who I was. Of course I told her to go first and she called me all kinds of colorful names. We banter for several more minutes. I'm thinking during this time I knew the voice but couldn't place it. She was livid. Since she mistakenly thought I was messing with her lovely husband I asked her how she found out. She didn't find it as humorous as I nor did she want to discuss that part. She just kept screaming for me to tell her who I I did. I gave her my first, maiden and married names. That way there would be no confusion on my part or hers. She must have known who I was because she swallowed a bunch of air and became silent. So then I proceeded to give her my address and that I would leave the light on for her so we could discuss this matter a bit further. She was silent. I also threw in the fact that I loved my husband and no matter how mad I got at him at any given time, I would never, NEVER F*** around on him. After finding out my name and address, I figured she was scared silent. Figuring she'd never discover her husband's lover much less where she lives....

She suddenly broke the silence with a few more spicy names and hung up on me. Unknowing to her, her number showed up on my caller ID. I saved that for a few days later. Of course I went to bed wide awake wondering who that voice belonged to...

The next day I dialed that number. She threatened me and told me not to call her again. So I didn't. I had an older male friend of mine call her. He didn't leave a message, but she left a "nice" little message on her answering service. Fortunately for me, she didn't remember my name.

A week went by and I kinda let it go out of my mind. That is until the phone rang on Sunday afternoon. It was Demon Voice's husband calling. He was very nice and told me he was really, REALLY sorry about his wife calling me and causing a problem. HUH???? I then gave him the what for...I really did. I kindly told him in a sweet voice that my husband was recovering from a big heart attack and my grandfather was dying. I did NOT have time for his or his crazy wife's B*** S***. He understood.

He even added, "my wife is really sorry too. She had too much to drink and she apologizes for her behavior."

"Really?" "Then I want to hear it from her."

"Oh, well, she's taking a nap."

"Wake her up."

"I can't she'd get really upset with me. She needs some sleep."

What I wanted to say, but I was so flabbergasted by this call, I didn't, was, she probably does need her sleep because she was waiting up for your sorry ass all night wondering where in the **** you were. I should've. I did tell him her apology was meaningless to me unless I heard it directly from her. He understood.

Then he ignited the bomb. It went something like this...

"Can you please tell me how your phone number got put into my cell phone?"

NO KIDDING!!! I couldn't believe it. I COULD NOT BELIEVE HE ASKED THIS IGNORANT QUESTION. I screamed, literally screamed, "WHAT??? Is this a f****** joke????" "No, I just want to know why I have your phone number in my cell phone." This man must be cracked. Has to be. He and his stupid wife deserve the misery they cause in each other's lives. They just do. (I don't really believe this, but I felt this way at the time.) He then told me what he had done for a living for the past 10 years hoping that would magically clear everything up. It didn't. It only made me even more mad at this ignorant man. Before the call ended I explained I didn't want to hear from him or his lovely wife ever again.

He told me his name, where he lived and what he did for a living. Amazing. In between the lines I could read just how horrible this marriage really miserable those people made themselves. And I think about what my grandma used to say, "at least by those two being together, there are two less miserable people in the world."

I remembered this story based on an old droning country music song. And I thought to myself, "LISA, DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MANY COUNTRY MUSIC SONGS YOU COULD WRITE BASED ON THESE TWO CONVERSATIONS?????"


Nella said...

Well said....those two certainly do deserve the misery they cause in each others lives. No one else does.

Songs do have way of reminding us of events in the past, and they don't even have to be country.

Thanks for the smile. Your rocker friend, Nella.

Blasé said...

Country Music and folks that are on Crack, really suck...imho

As far as cussin' goes, I never NEVER cuss!

Marie said...

Oh my goodness. What a horrible experience. Todd and I both like old country music. I know, we're sick puppies! haha The wierdest call I ever got was in the middle of the night from lady telling my son was eating her underwear. Sick, sick, sick. What motivates these people!

Brenda Eason said...

Your are the bomb girl. I loved the story. Im sure it wasn't funny at the time.Thanks for the smile..I could just see your pretty face all p----- off.

CatHerder said...

OMG THAT IS SO SCARY...i would have been a nervous wreck, that is HORRIBLE.....glad you got it straightened out!

Lisa @ akawest said...

Holy Sh#t!!!! That story could win an award for weird.
I couldn't find the star key, as I am not used to this, but I didn't want to offend you. :)

How timely that you mentioned old country music. Gary and I were in my car, where I subject him to new country music, and he asked me if any radio stations play older country music.

We then discussed how awful it must have been as a child to be named Conway Twitty.

Terri and Bob said...


You could be rich. Still could, start writing!

Anonymous said...

great is good to see guys like is damn to know about the telephone answering service.